I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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