I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
