i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
