HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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