You can't special order awesome
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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