but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
