Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Houston, we have a blender
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
