wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
