a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
