sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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