I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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