Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
