YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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