Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
