I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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