you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
