it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
