I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
