once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
