I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
