I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
