the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
