pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
