i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
