i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
