Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
