If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
