Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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