I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
