Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
