I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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