textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
