these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
