mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
