No stitches, just platelets and will power
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
