Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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