Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
