is your mom at the bar?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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