he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
