Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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