cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
