John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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