We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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