No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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