my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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