I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
