Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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