So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
