How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
