beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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