READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
